That evening, as Dean and I were walking to the car to go to the Reach the Summit kick off party, my knee started acting up. I had my new favorite pair of cowboy boots on, going down some stairs and i felt a sharp pain on the outside of my right knee. A wave of familiar panic rushed through me, as if it were a bolt of lightning emanating from my leg and into my stomach. I was taken back to my knee injury that happened while I was training for a marathon almost 7 yrs ago; I had to stop at mile 6.
Back then, I knew exactly when it happened, which wrong step I took that had set me down a really painful path that lasted months and removed me from the running. No pun intended. This time, though, was different. My run felt fine, good in fact. I felt like I had gotten to the point where 2 miles felt like a warm up (I didn't run further because I had guss with me and I didn't want to push him too far). I was at the point where runs were fun, a break in the day where I could free myself from everything that felt suffocating and weighted.
And in that single moment, as the pain shot from my knee, my brain quickly rushed into denial. I didn't want to face what could likely be the return of a long-ago injury. Because that would mean giving up running at least temporarily, that would mean giving up the escape, and it would mean opening up to the idea of this climb being something beyond reach.
I still don't want to admit to any of it. My knee doesn't bother me when I walk or go up stairs. Only down stairs, and only at certain angles. I'd like to get an MRI done so I can find out what's going on in there. It's hard not knowing, guessing, wondering, and hoping that it was all a fluke. Maybe my new cowboy boots were just forcing me into a weird walking stance.
Yeah, that's it.
I must admit the boots look good :-)
ReplyDeleteHope it's just the boots.... now you'll have to post a pic of the culprit.
ReplyDeletegood luck with the knee... and lay off those boots:-)